On why I've been bitchy

On Saturday I went out with TSK to the new club winter 10 series. He rode, I didn't. I had been under the weather feeling crap all week. It wasn't going to change me riding on Sunday in the National Trophy but I wasn't going to race a 10 on Saturday too.

I marshalled. Tim and I stood on a corner in yellow jackets and helped riders around a road junction where we could see the approaching cars and they could not. Riders let rip. TSK did a time that he was happy with. We were happy and went into town to shop for DVDs and coffee.

On Sunday I used positive thinking to persuade myself I was feeling better whilst the fug of a coldey-head hung over me.

It rained. It was supposed to rain. I hid in the back of the vanu till I was entirely ready to go out and get wet then I did my warm-up lap of the course which was starting to look more and more traditional all the time.

I was gridded on the start line and saved my warm clothes till the last minute.

By the end of the first lap I had again been repeatedly passed by the last rider as I hauled up the hills and she rode with ease. I would catch her on the tricky bends and single-track through the woods but by the second lap, she rode away from me, leaving me to fall further and further back, only "trying" in order to satisfy the incentive to train for next week's race.

Except for the near-identical course, this compared in no way to the race last week where I lept into the slipstream of groups of lapping riders and hitched lifts beyond the reaches of my competition.

I felt crap afterwards. Not worn out but disappointed at the fact that my body had refused to, had failed to make an effort. I was resoundingly last. I know the National Trophy tends to attract the more elite riders but if I could just hold on to one of them for a few laps I'd be happy. If I could just feel like I'm getting better I'd be happy. I questioned why I bothered then Tim's words played through my head,

"I had two people email me to ask who in the club is in the National Points!"

I remembered I was there because I'm proud and I'm also proud to ride for this club who not only arranges to go to the Nov11th service but also organises space at the back of the church for bikes.

I got up yesterday to a reassuring batch of flu. I think the Eastern team might be missing its reserve this weekend.