Tuesday, January 17, 2012

But is it really worth it - the decline

In the lead up to Christmas day I was still advocating the joys of my commute offset against the wonderful new job that I had but, after a week of not getting up early and not having to sit on that train I am considering my options again. If anything it's the loss of training opportunity that kills me. The inability to ride the extra distance.

It's also the employer's employer's decision to cancel two of the projects I worked so hard on before christmas which has left me with the bitter taste of fear in my mush.

Once I get into it I suppose it will work. Getting off the train early on my way home. There's the Trunce in the summer. A reason to take the car for the day? A reason to work from home for the day? Or a reason to get off at Barnsley and do a fell race on the way home. It's just one of life's little luxuries, decision-making.
By 17th January I am through with the commute. I wish I was an average person who's content to do nothing but work themselves to submission but the truth is, I love exercise and the outdoors so much that I can't actually function without it. I get depressed and I get lost. There's no meaning to life.

I went out with TSK on our bikes Sunday after a run in the Peak on Saturday and my legs were achey and swollen and it felt good. It was a good feeling I don't get with work-tired. No matter how good the job is.  I get into bed and sleep but I wake up the next day just as tired, just as grumpy and resent having to go back and do it all again.

I have to do something about this.  It is broken.  I will fix it.

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