Into my 50's

I made no secret of turning 50.  I'm pretty proud to have got this far, to be honest, and I'm no longer upset about what the ageing process has done to me.  I remain secretly suspicious I'm just slowly dying of something noxious but aren't we all just slowly dying?  So might as well have fun while that's going on.

Usually I hate Christmases at home.  After the initial pizazz of my birthday, I have to race around sorting presents and buying food.  It's a week where I can't spend any money because everything is over-priced. 

I tried to make this year different, be organised in time for my birthday but I failed (as usual) and ended up close to breaking point this week.  In parallel, I've been reaching out to my adventurous side, to try and achieve more, get back closer to nature... and I've failed.  I'm more tired.  I'm running out of steam climbing up the hill at the side of the valley on easy walks and am snapping at colleagues because they're just asking too much of me at year-end.  Today I just sat in the cemetery and stared at the trees while my heart rate settled to something normal and I stopped shaking.  Ageing process? Sick? Not enough breakfast?

I wanted to get out for a solstice bivi but I just couldn't bring myself to set out in the howling wind so I didn't - that's fine though, I will try and do something before the end of the year.

I found myself learning new things about the oceans and waters in 2023, despite now spending that much time in them. I need to rectify that and get myself in there again. Not in a competitive way, just in an enjoyable way.

The scooter has brought me great joy this year - the opportunity to try a new skill.  The scooting bit is easy but learning how far I can go, the best techniques, how to carry my stuff, what affects progress - for better or worse.  It's simple and, unlike my initial urge to attempt something water-bourne, doesn't require too much new kit.

Getting Lena was the best thing I did with 2023 (ok, she joined us in December 2022) and might be the key reason for my lethargy, but I don't, for one moment, regret my decision to get a dog.  For all that she has sapped me of my usual sporting "performance" (tongue in cheek), she's kept me active beyond my wildest plans.

I'm determined not to let the new year suck me into work the way 2023 has.  I've new staff starting next year allowing me to gradually extract myself from the malestrom and instead seek out calmer waters (possibly literally) of lake and oceanside.

In between that we have a new house to buy.  I've been on the fence about this for the longest time (probably years) but have accepted the need to stay "in" the rat race a little longer to find ourselves somewhere that feels more grown-up than student-hovel, more spacious than falling-over-eachother, more like a home than a tenancy, possibly more country-cottage than city-slicker.  All part of getting back to nature, I'd love to get streetlights out of my bedroom window.  

Winds or seas of change.  Only time will tell this year.  I hope it doesn't pass as quickly as 2023.