Yesterday's blog post wasn't about turning 50, or Christmas - it was about me not wanting to be at work on 22nd December. So I didn't - instead I wrote a grumpy blog piece and did some life admin. I went for a walk in a park to chill out and now I am back, to put things in perspective.
What I dislike about Christmases at home is the expectation of joy from things that dont excite me much, like baubles, wine and television. Instead, we stay home to look after the cat who is an old dear because we feel terribly sad about leaving her on her own. We then feel bored about going to the same places and inevitably the weather is horrible and not in a flinching biting cold sparkly icicles kind of way but in a howling gale that will kick you off your feet into the sloppy mud-kind of way. It seems like this year is no exception.
This year, however, we have a project to complete - project house-move. I've tried to avoid looking Rightmove but yesterday I had a sneaky peek, just to whet my appetite. I did manage to send some christmas cards this year and was reminded that when we have a home of a more reasonable size I might actually expect to see some more of my friends. Health–wise, this is a great improvement.
In decorating the bathroom, I remember just how much I like the labour of doing something moderately well. I'm looking forward to chosing a home we can love after years of tolerating this one - its space constraints only exacerbated by the addition to the family of a nosey dog.
We have childless friends nearby who, like us, hate having holidays enforced on them during the wicked weather season. They once told us that their Christmas tradition is decorating. This year I am feeling an oddly close and satisfying allegiance to someone else's Christmas traditions. Life can't all be about having Rad adventures. Sometimes it needs to be about more mundane ones and this Christmas I'm all there for that, though I won't be able to resist plenty of short but satisfying Micro-adventures in between.
Yesterday was meant to be my retrospection of the year but it got a bit negative. So here's my 2023.
Although my new job is hard right now, it's also interesting again. I'm no longer biding my time until it ends and hopefully I can inspire the next generations of planet-saving problem solvers to step up and take the mantle forward without it putting me in the grave or rehab first. I never imagined I could be this proud of what I do.
I rambled on yesterday about sport, exercise, getting back to nature and the consistency brought by getting the dog in our lives.
Lets be honest, it's taken the whole year for us all to settle into "normality". Only this week has she started to cuddle on the sofa and consistently pay attention to treats proferred. I had not listened to the books and advice on that matter. There was never any doubt we would stick with it but I am glad she's starting to come around. A year has passed so quickly.
In having the dog, my overall fitness has tanked but I've never been closer to nature. Every day I see the seasons - 3 times a day at least. Recently it's been too hurried - gaps snatched between meetings. We have rushing home to the comforts of a warm house and a cosy bed. I yearn to get back to the calling adventures for long, long days out. They will come, they are out there waiting for me.
So retrospection for 2023 - not to wish away these valuable holidays that haven't even happened yet. It's impossible to look back over every outing without covering the year in Stats but there are some outings that really stand out:
- Trailer rides from Whitby and Aberdeen and the chance to swim in the sea in cold weather. Seeing great friends that I haven't seen in years.
- A few pedal car events where we camped or Air B&B' d local and got to try out a whole new set of footpaths. In fact, generally-ditching the bridleways for footways was the revelation I didn't realise I needed.
- Hiker camps in the peak district during which I discover my dog is too fidgety for a 1-man tent or a bivvy bag.
- Our Scotland trip, bagging some daunting munroes that have been on my radar for a while but only the HT gave me the confidence to tackle
- Learning about the dog's capability and needs on wild camping trips. Scotland also had more swimming in the sea and rivers with Andrew and the wildlife. My first ever Scottish September trip and some glorious weather.
- Owning my first walking stick - to replace a forgotten bivi pole.
- A slowing-down - in recognition that over the last 2 years a balance has tipped my mind over into the unhealthy and my body is becoming worn out. I stepped away from the bike in the hope that knees and saddle pain could ease. I haven't yet stepped back and for now, I'm Ok with that. Slow really is Ok, its opened my eyes to wildlife and scenery I haven't noticed before.
- Our first trip back to the Lakes together in a few years.
In the park today I realised I have found myself walking in those places the dog and I took our first few tentative steps last year. This isn't a toned-down future but a reversion to the familiar, a hibernation, to allow us to regenerate into the strength we found in the highlands last summer. It's not half measures, it's hope.
The biggest setback I have to acknowledge this year is not covid but the fall I had while out walking when I decided to scout out a steep-sided bomb-hole as a bivi spot. and turned over on my ankle. A neighbour warned me that it might take months to heel and although it didn't stop me for long, it has taken me until now to be able to kneel again and to take any real load on it without me yelping in pain. It stopped me training for the 3 Peaks and psychologically stopped me committing to carrying big loads over long distances since July. Septembers missions in Scotland were tenuous. They were successful but took their toll and since then I've done little to shape myself up.
My ambitious for 2024 are big - including mountains and furniture removals - so I have some drive at the moment to get strong again. The yoga mat is out in the loft which feels like a force for good.
I started 2023 with old goals, not really knowing where my body would take me. For a while, I felt like this was the year it was going to let me down but, drugs are a wonderful thing, so over 2024 I'll be looking to continue some of my old mountaineering adventures now that I've renewed my relationship with my feet
In the words of John Muir, The Mountains are calling and I must go.
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