Thursday, April 03, 2008

Today I saw my original marriage certificate for the last time

I am both a very happy, quite excited and also a very sad. Sad that what should've been the best day of my life was wasted on something I knew to be farcical. A later realisation that the "virginal" excitement of choosing flowers, writing invitations, listening to speeches and wearing a pretty frock built especially for me, was flawed by the inevitability of disaster. I'd do it again with the right person - not as big, not as spectacular but definitely more - and more in the right way.

It's partly my own fault and so it is with regret that I posted away five years of my life this morning, recorded delivery. Not so that I know it has arrived, but so that I know when it has arrived, because I must know these things.

On a different note, this weekend, I am looking forward to the prospect of cutting a 1m x 0.5m hole in the side of my van so that I can install a window where once there was metal. I am nervous about this activity. It's not a small window and it's not a workpiece that I can easily discard and replace with a new one at the first mistake.

So I reassured myself by talking to Chris (of the angle-grinder) who reminded me that it didn't matter how jagged the hole that I cut, so long as I have a large-enough piece of rubber to slap over the hole. He's a good friend to talk to, yet his ideas of me, him and Mr Loftus going into business is all together not-going-to-happen. My days of being the only one to do all the management are over.

I stood outside my flat watching the sun go down and drew a rectangle in blue permanent marker pen on the outside of my car.

1 comment:

Just a Girl said...

Isn't there a saying about doors closing and windows opening...